4.4.2025

The dismantling of democracy and the separation of powers, wrecking ball foreign policy, spreading hatred, alienating partners, signal gate, the start of a trade war, crashing stock markets, the threat of recession and depression – much is currently being written about a narcissist and his gigantic destructive power. But the question of how narcissism and such destructive power can arise has also become highly topical.

Childhood and Self-Esteem

Psychologist and author Stefanie Stahl addresses childhood and self-esteem, the foundations of which are laid—or not—in this early phase of life, in several of her books. Factors that contribute to good self-esteem include affection, love, stability and reliability, consistent parental behavior, and, above all, the freedom to develop one's own identity, to be accepted as a child, with all it’s strengths and weaknesses.

The development of self-esteem is accordingly impaired and damaged when parents, for example, abruptly switch between anger, rejection, and love, when a child is exposed to desires and expectations about how it should be, and may even be punished with disappointment or withdrawal of love if they fail to meet these expectations.

If a healthy sense of self-esteem is not developed in childhood, it will be impossible or at least much more difficult to recover from later in life. Self-esteem is also something different from ego, vanity, or arrogance. It is a sovereign and stable self-image that, with all of one's strengths and weaknesses, which one stands by, one is precious on the whole—a perceived balance in which mental exertion is unnecessary.

Narcissism as an Escape

The author also impressively describes how the human psyche can develop when a person's self-esteem hasn't fully developed. This development can take various directions. One of them is narcissism.

The feeling of being worthless is unpleasant. People who experience this feeling want to shed it. They attempt to do so by building a new self. In addition to what the author calls a "small self," which is perceived as inadequate, narcissists construct a "grand self" that is intended to suppress the small self and ensure perfection. This characterizes an extreme striving for success, power, and recognition.

However, suppressing the small self doesn't make it disappear. Therefore, in addition to the subconscious critical view of one's own weaknesses, a critical view develops, even to the point of hatred of weaknesses in general, including the weaknesses of others. As a result, narcissists increasingly and continually devalue, insult, and defame other people. At the same time, the hunger for recognition must be satisfied, and this is made the responsibility of those around them. Criticism of narcissists is therefore neither intended nor permitted. This leads to the absurd result that anyone who gives the narcissist anything other than recognition must be punished, while the narcissist, in his hatred, continues to insult and defame others.

The Specific Case

Donald Trump's niece, Mary Trump, herself a psychologist, impressively demonstrated in her book "Too much and never enough: How my family created the most dangerous man on earth" how her dysfunctional family paved the way for the development described above.

Two factors made things even more difficult: Fred Trump Sr., Donald's father, was himself a sociopath. Sociopaths are characterized by a propensity for violence, a lack of consideration and conscience, a lack of emotional empathy, and a capacity for emotions but difficulty controlling them. Children learn behaviors and characteristics from their parents, so Donald also took on these negative traits from his father. Furthermore, there was a large family business. Families and family businesses influence each other. Sometimes family businesses destroy entire families. In the Trump household, only the business and the money mattered. There was no affection, love, real family life, or moral or emotional rules.

Fred Trump Sr. was a dominant father and wanted to mold his sons into his own image. They weren't allowed to find their own identity. The eldest son, Fred Jr., wanted to go his own way and become a pilot. For this, he was continually mocked and despised by his father and brother and eventually turned to alcohol. Donald lived up to his father's expectations and was elevated to the status of king by him. Whether the succession to the family business reflects his true identity is hard to say, but his business record is characterized by failures, and the incompetent economic policy demonstrated by the first two months of his term speaks for itself. What is clear is that with his insatiable pursuit of recognition, his hatred, his aggressiveness, and the punishment of anyone who doesn't pay homage to him, he has earned himself worldwide recognition as a narcissist and is proving his destructive power more and more every day.

Childhood is crucial

This article isn't primarily intended to relentlessly harp on Donald Trump. It attempts to use a prominent example to illustrate how crucial childhood and the foundations laid during this time for the rest of one's life are for that life, and how dramatic the consequences for that life—in this specific case for the entire world—are if they aren't laid.

Childhood is important.